I have Decided To Go Into Politics
July 25th, 2008 . by TexasFredI’ve Decided To Go Into Politics
After a careful review of the options for the up-coming election:(a) A man who can’t account for his money and wants ‘change you can believe in’ (but never says what the change is).
I HAVE DECIDED TO BECOME A WRITE-IN CANDIDATE.
(b) A Republican that doesn’t seem to have Republican values.HERE IS MY PLATFORM:(1) Press 1 for English is immediately banned. English is the official language. Speak it or wait at the border until you can.(2) We will immediately go into a two-year isolationist posture to straighten out the country’s attitude. NO imports, no exports. We will use the ‘Wal-Mart’ policy: ‘If we ain’t got it, you don’t need it.’
(3) When imports are allowed, there will be a 100% import tax on it.
(4) All retired military personnel will be required to man one of our many observation towers on the southern border. (Six month tour) They will be under strict orders not to fire on SOUTHBOUND aliens.
(4a) Northbound aliens will be considered *fair game*, fire at will.
(5) Social Security will immediately return to its original state. If you didn’t put nuttin’ in, you ain’t getting’ nuttin’ out. Neither the president nor any other politician will be able to touch it.
(6) Welfare – Checks will be handed out on Fridays at the end of the 40 hour school week, and the successful completion of urinalysis and a passing grade.
(7) Professional Athletes –Steroids – The FIRST time you check positive you will be banned for life.
(8) Crime – We will adopt the Turkish method of punishment: The first time you steal, you lose your right hand. There will be no more life sentences — if you are convicted of a Capitol Offense, you will be put to death by the same method you chose for your victim, gun, knife, strangulation, etc. Executions will be carried out poste haste!
(9) One export will be allowed – Wheat — The world needs to eat. A bushel of wheat will be the exact price of a barrel of oil.
(10) All foreign aid using American taxpayer money will immediately cease, and the saved money will pay off the national debt and ultimately lower taxes. When disasters occur around the world, we’ll ask the American people if they want to donate to a disaster fund, and each citizen can make the decision whether it’s a worthy cause
(11) The Pledge of Allegiance will be said every day at school and every day in Congress — right after *The Lords Prayer*.
(12) The National Anthem will be played at all appropriate ceremonies, sporting events, outings, etc.
Sorry if I stepped on anyone’s toes, (whoever wrote this may be sorry, I’m not, Fred) but a vote for me will get you better than what you have and better than what you’re gonna get.
Thanks for listening, and remember to write in my name on the ballot in November!
Proudly Stolen From:
Southern Sass on Crime » Going into politics
[...] Southern Sass running for office! re-stolen from Texas Fred [...]
It might be a joke, but y’know, if YOU ran for office, I’d kick in some support!
And I do wish you would!
Odds are though, you wouldn’t get the illegal Hispanic vote.
F*ck the Hispanic vote, ALL of the bean eating bastards…
Probably wouldn’t get the Dickless Intellectual vote either, and that’s cool too, REAL, America loving patriots, that’s the people I care about, not a bunch of wetback assholes that are destroying America or the RINO bastards that support them…
I’m pretty sure you could win, given the current crock, er, crop, they’ve been offering us. Heh.
We need tough, and I think you fit that bill with NO problems.
Got my vote by God. I am retired military and would love the tower watch!!!!! Problem is the platform makes way to much sense!!! Love it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
good platform! It illustrates the glaring difference between a REAL platform and whatever it is that these two idjits are running on. McCain is working so hard to lose it isn’t funny, or maybe it’s too funny…I dunno…. His campaign is in 100% reactive mode, and that’s not going to impress anybody. if he would just take a point or two of the above he could run away with it. It’s hard to say which is the dumber candidate. Obama has made so many gaffes McCain could exploit, but doesn’t, and he makes no effort to push issues conservatives could get behind. I can’t understand this guy, why is he even running? just to piss money away?
When it comes to the safety and security of our nation, polite doesn’t cut it. McCain, himself, is fawning all over B. Hussein, and it makes me want to rip his lips off!
Hmmm – sounds like the platform I was extending a few months ago…
How about it, Fred? Wanna go in as co-Presidents?
Could you imagine the outrage the first time we held a press conference and the reporters saw what was hangin’ off the hips of both of us? (unless you prefer a shoulder rig…)
THAT mental image is priceless! Heh.
Cary, thumb break belt holster, 4, count em, 4 high capacity XD-45 mags loaded with 230gr Golden Sabers…
And our protection detail would be awesome…
If you run for President, I could be First Lady
Bushwack could be V. Pres
Ya got my vote
Thank you
What amazes me is any one of us could write a platform that makes more sense then the two who are running.
We need a real conservative platform and a real conservative. I wish you could be it Fred. I wish a straight talking, God fearing, financially savvy conservative candidate would actually show up and take the Republican convention by storm.
They don’t have to accept McCain you know. We need real choices!
Okay, so what name do I write in, because I could definitely vote for this candidate.
Amen to this post!
Glad your site is back up Fred, or was that just me?
No Tish, we’re having some serious difficulties… Trying to move to another server and it’s giving our techie guru a bad time…
Testing at the old camp grounds, testing
It’ll be an honor to do my tour on the tower.
You got my vote.
It`s not that far to the border for me. Let me know when my shift is.
I only have ONE problem with your platform–I am going to have to change my id because I have FINALLY found a candidate I can vote for.
Thanks:)
Great list. I am going to post it on my blog, giving you and the original blogger full credit, of course.