Bush may give speech to nation on economic woes

Bush may give speech to nation on economic woes

WASHINGTON (AP) – President Bush is thinking of giving a speech to the nation on the ailing economy, the White House said Wednesday, amid unrelenting congressional criticism of a $700 billion bailout plan and the Federal Reserve chairman’s warning that economic growth hangs on it.
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Meanwhile, Bush’s chief spokeswoman, Dana Perino, revealed that the president is considering a formal speech to the nation – his first such talk in over a year – and said the country is at risk of a “calamity” without bold action to calm down the markets and soothe nervous Americans.

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Bush may give speech to nation on economic woes

There’s a speech we should hear, but we all know it’s never going to happen.

Mah fellow ‘mericans, good evening and hello out there to all of mah fellow ‘mericans. I come to you with a heavy heart and a guilty conscience tonight ‘merica, it is my sad duty to tell all of you fine hard working ‘mericans the truth. I have bankrupted the ‘merican government.

Things aren’t looking good for us ‘merica, the Chinese own us, and what they don’t own, my good friends, uh, I mean, our business ‘ssociates in Saudi ‘rabia DO own.

Now I guess I’m gonna have to take the blame, what with being the president and all, but this just isn’t mah fault ‘merica, it started when that bad man Saddam got his terrorist friends to attack us on 9-11, uh, wait, I mean, it started when Bin Laden attacked us on 9-11 and it’s gone down hill like sled on rails ever since. A sled on rails… That’s one ‘o those Texas euphemisms things I got from Dan Rather, heh heh heh heh… *cough* uh, but anyway…

Our money is in a real mess ‘merica, well, yours is, mine is in a vault, uh, I mean, Laura and I feel your pain too ‘merica, and once I am out of the White House, Laura and I will be moving to Dallas and setting up house in the mountains of Preston Hollow, we found a place for under a million dollars and since we don’t have to pay a mortage, and we have lifetime health care and all, and my presidential salary for life, you know, kind of like those golden parachutes those big business guys get, we can afford to live among you, the little people.

Folks keep sayin’ that the Dallas area just isn’t too happy about us moving there. SMU didn’t want my Presidential Library, and ya know, it wasn’t going to be a very big place, I don’t own more than 5 or 6 books, but they just didn’t want us.

Anyway, I just want y’all to ALL know, we’re in this together, it wasn’t all the fault of me and the Republicans, even if we did have a majority control of the House and Senate until 2 years ago, I made a couple of good Supreme Court appointments and I can’t make y’all vote for the right Senators and Congressmen, so, I did mah job on that part.

Ya gotta admit, this down hill sled ride, heh heh heh heh, thing didn’t start gettin’ so out o’ hand until some ‘mericans pretty much gave me one a them no confidence votes 2 years ago and voted in that bunch a crooks, the Democrats. If you’re gonna point fingers and attach blame, well, by golly, that’s where ya need to point, even if we didn’t do anything as a Republican majority, we were on YOUR side ‘merica.

I wish y’all a lotta luck dealing with those little bastards in North Korea too. They are trying to fire their nucaler program back up and I believe they are going to try to use it to hold us up for even more ‘merican money. Sneaky little guys, never did trust em. Fire it back up?? Uh, maybe that’s not a real good choice of words, I’ll speak to my writers ’bout that one.

I wonder, why it is I can pronounce big words like euphemism and I can’t pronounce nucaler? heh heh heh heh.

Uh, but on a serious note mah fellow ‘mericans, we are in a fix, and if I don’t make things too much worse before January, there is a chance that John and Sarah can save this nation, they’re gonna have to shake a lotta bushs, uh, not ME, I mean, well, you know what I mean, they’re gonna have to shake things up, and if there happens to be any charges come up after I am gone, I want Sen. McCain to remember how much I supported him, and to know, that executive clemency thing needs to used once in a while… Just sayin’… Always did support ya there John…

I know there’s a few of those political bloggers that think I’m a moron, well, history can judge that, it’s not for you to decide and call me names and say mean stuff like “The only thing that keeps Bush from being the worst president in history is Jimmy Carter.” That’s just plain mean ‘merican political bloggers, and I don’t ‘ppreciate it either. I think I’ll beat Carter out hands down before this is over, Ronald Reagan came in and saved ‘merica from the evils of Carter, and I can tell you, John McCain is NO Ronald Reagan. Wait… What??

So, good night ‘merica, and good luck, you’re gonna need it, I still have almost 4 months to make mah mark on history and get me a legacy.

And that is the speech most Americans would actually believe…