Apply for a position with Obama
November 15th, 2008 . by TexasFredMy 63 questions…if I were president:
1. Can you name all fifty states and their capitals?
2. Explain the concept of the bill of rights.
3. Name any neighbor who borrowed stuff but never returned it.
4. Identify five presidents since 1900.
5. Are you saving energy by using twenty-two times the amount of power that a normal American family uses?
6. What should you do when bitten by a rattlesnake?
7. Who won WWI and WWII?
8. Isn’t Brittney Spears the most beautiful woman in the world? (Yes or no only)
9. Should Lance Armstrong run the 2009 Tour de France?
10. Hank Williams or Elvis, who was better in the end?
11. The Pacer, was it the worst car ever made?
12. Should Zombies be declared authorized voters?
13. Should Brittney Spears play Joan of Arc for Mel Gibson?
14. Is Elvis truly dead?
15 If you made any public speeches….were any directed toward circus folks, dwarfs, Texans, or abstract art?
16. Have you ever been in Memphis, New Orleans, or St. Louis (negative points if you have)
17. Do you keep at least six guns in your house or car? (bonus points if yes)
18. Do you believe in Bigfoot, Loch Nessie and aliens? (bonus points if yes)
19. If you had to dig a septic tank, would you call a cousin or a neighbor for help?
20. Have you ever paid more than $19,999 for a car? Cite the model and brand if yes.
21. Would you pay $350k for a $240k house? (negative points if yes)
22. Would you toss out forty percent of your paycheck to cover a mortgage?
23. Would you buy a $300k house with only $30k in down payment?
24. Who was the best Bond?
25. Have you ever been in a Wal-Mart? (Negative points, if no)
26. Explain in detail any speech that Alan Greenspan has given (positive points, if you can’t)
27. Where is Gitmo?
28. Show a 8×10 photo of any tattoo on your body or your wife’s body (in color please)
29. Provide all of the names of your dogs that you’ve owned since 1988.
30. Describe on a plain piece of paper your feelings toward Tonga.
31. Do you know anyone from Red Bay, Alabama?
32. Provide a listing of friendships and girlfriends, since 1978. Use red ink if they are former friends now.
33. Which weighs more? A ton of bananas or a ton of peanuts?
34. Which Star Trek commander would you prefer to be Janeway, Kirk or Picard?
35. Have you ever shopped QVC?
36. Have you ever watched wrestling?
37. Have you ever forgotten your wife’s birthday?
39. If you lived in a dry county, would you honor the laws of that county?
40. If your minister was a nutcase, would you be willing to say that in public?
41. If a bunch of union cars and US car makers came up to you and asked for $50 billion…would you ask why they can’t make cars that folks want or just hand them the $50 billion?
42. Does it bother you that the car union guys get $17 million a year in Viagra, which is built into the cost of every single car made?
43. Do you have a problem with burning leaves in October in your front yard?
44. Have you ever bought a mower that you felt very dissatisfied with?
45. If Tab was the only drink left on the face of the earth….would you accept it and drink it?
46. On a hot day…cold beer or cold wine cooler?
47. Whats your belt size?
48. Can you cook up your own breakfast?
49. If a bunch of Harvard/Princeton/Yale/Colombia business school graduates came to you and said they had bankrupted America…would you halt the entire business school program at these four universities?
50. How many times should a guy be allowed to vote on election day in America?
51. Do you know any hippies?
52. Do you mow your own grass?
53. Are there any true explanations to putting a septic tank in the front yard instead of the back yard?
54. Is Keith Olbermann of MSNBC a dope?
55. Give five good reasons why any guy should stay 30 years in the Senate.
56. Have you ever dated a deranged man or woman?
57. When was the last time you attended a county fair?
58. Do you know any women who wear a blouse a size too small?
59. If you needed help…who would not call and why?
60. If you had to talk real personal to someone….would you do it on the front porch or the back porch?
61. Why do most Democrats take money from bankers and most Republicans from oil companies?
62. Can you point to Mongolia on the map?
63. Are you a forgiving kinda guy or a revengeful kind of guy?
Proudly stolen from Conservative Libertarian Outpost
If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!
You can tell I had WAY too much time on my hands today
Let me know if I get the job.
1. States yes, capitals no
2. Hey government people: Sit down, shut up and leave me the hell alone.
3. Timmy
4. FDR, JFK, DDE, RMN and GHWB
5. No
6. Suck the venom out of the bite (don’t swallow it), have a shot of whisky
7. We kicked ass and took names
8. NO!!!
9. He has a better chance if he rides a bike
10. I didn’t know they were gay
11. Nope…Yugo
12. Isn’t that the same as liberals?
13. Might be better the other way around
14. Naw. I saw him a while ago
15. No..but I did have a nice chat with a Sherman tank in front of a VFW
16. No
17. If I say yes Obama won’t hire me!!!
18. Aren’t there some aliens working in Washington?
19. I’d call someone with a backhoe
20. No
21. No
22. No
23. No
24. Ward Bond from Wagon Train
25. Yes
26. No
27. Guantanamo Bay
28. No tats
29. Bear, Genna, and Shadow
30. Never danced the Tonga
31. No
32. What makes you think someone like me has friends?
33. Before OR after you eat them?
34. Never watched the show
35. No
36. Yes
37. OH BROTHER… won’t make that mistake again!!
38. Number 38 is missing…is this a trick question?
39. I’d honor the law..I’d be moving out the next day anyway
40. I’d tell him to his face and anyone else that would listen
41. I’d offer them a ride to the unemployment office
42. Viagra? Is that why my car is hard to start?
43. Nope
44. Toro piece of crap
45. Hmmm Tab or die of thirst let me get back to you
46. Wine cooler? Do I LOOK like a sissy?
47. Too big
48. How do you want your eggs?
49. We should be doing that already
50. Once except in Chicago
51. No
52. No that’s one of the reasons I still let my son live at home
53. None that I can think of
54. That’s like asking if the Pope likes to pray at Mass
55. I can only think of one he can’t find a real job
56. Yeah she was a lot of fun until I started hearing the voices in her head
57. This past summer
58. Yes Thank God
59. Anyone from the government Hey, I need help, right?
60. Front porch nosy neighbors are always out back
61. Don’t know but isn’t that going to “change”?
62. Yes God knows why
63. Kill them all, let God sort ‘em out
Don’t have as much time as Carl, but here’s a shot..
Regarding Question 12 about the Zombies voting - how do you think Obama got elected
Question 24 - Capt. Janeway can’t read a map (she got lost..) and Kirk can kick Picard’s a$$… Now the REAL question is - who is smarter - Spock or “Q”?
Question 25 - parked at the Wal Mart parking lot in a nice small town in Texas… Now that many of them provide truck parking, it’s paradise to a WalMart-aholic like me…..
Question 52 - the only way to mow the grass is on a John Deere 4100 with a belly mower and sipping a cold Coors light (I have a really big yard)