Every so often I get an email joke that is just too good to keep to myself. This is one of those occasions and I have to share this with all of you! ~Fred~

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, a store where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited…

 

Scientist: Alien life could already be on Earth

LONDON (AP) – For the past 50 years, scientists have scoured the skies for radio signals from beyond our planet, hoping for some sign of extraterrestrial life. But one physicist says there’s no reason alien life couldn’t already be lurking among us – or maybe even in us.

Paul Davies, an award-winning Arizona State University physicist known for his popular science writing said Tuesday that life may have developed on Earth not once but several times.

Davies said the variant life forms – most likely tiny microbes – could still be hanging around “right under our noses – or even in our noses.”

“How do we know all life on Earth descended from a single origin?” he told a conference at London’s prestigious Royal Society, which serves as Britain’s academy of sciences. “We’ve just scratched the surface of the microbial world.”

Full Story Here:
Scientist: Alien life could already be on Earth

I have long believed that they walk among us.

If you take THIS:

And add THIS:

You get THIS:

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Astronaut says Mexico needs its own space program

MEXICO CITY (AP) – A NASA astronaut says he wants to help Mexican officials start the country’s first space agency.

Astronaut Jose Hernandez says he has no plans to leave his job at NASA, but hopes to help Mexico’s program get off the ground.

Hernandez, the U.S.-born son of Mexican migrant farm workers who spent much of his childhood moving between Mexico and the U.S., lobbied for a space program in meetings with Mexican lawmakers Tuesday.

He says officials must invest more money in science, technology and education to make Mexico more competitive and diversify its economy.

Legislators have set aside 10 million pesos ($775,000) for the Mexican Space Agency in next year’s budget, but the program has not yet been officially established.

Full Story Here:
Astronaut says Mexico needs its own space program

This is terribly reminiscent of a story I heard many years ago. The Mexican government wanted a Navy, a big one. They wanted to be a world power on the high seas.

The Mexican government began to do research on exactly what it was going to take to build a Navy. They priced the ships they wanted to build and were sad to find that they were immediately out of luck due to the massive costs involved.

Not to be deterred, they then began to look into buying used ships from other nations, ships that were about be retired and decommissioned.

As it turns out, even that was beyond the price range of the Mexican government, so, they had an idea that maybe they could just buy one mighty ship, and the search continued.

They got the price of a used aircraft carrier, a battle ship, a cruiser, a destroyer, even a used submarine was considered. Again, ALL of these vessels were out of reach for the Mexicans.

It was at this time that the most brilliant Mexican designer to ever live came forth and offered a solution. He would build the Mexican government a ship, a submarine actually, and he would do so at a very cheap rate as well.

So, this brilliant Mexican engineer and his team begin construction on Mexico’s very 1st submarine, but, there was a bit of a glitch. There was only enough money to build a 2-man *midget sub*.

The work on this *midget sub* continued for several weeks and the sub was finally launched.

The crowd roared as the crew boarded the new Mexican Navy sub to begin sea trials off of the Mexican west coast. What follows is a description of the activities in the ensuing weeks.

The Capatin and Engineer are in position and the Captain says: “Senor Engineer, theese is your Captain, take theese submarine down to 50 feet and scheck for leaks!”

The Engineer replies, “Senor Captain, theese is Senor Enginner, the submarine is at 50 feet and we got NO leaks!”

The Captain says, “Senor Engineer, theese is your Captain, take theese submarine down to 100 feet and scheck for leaks!”

The Engineer replies, “Senor Captain, theese is Senor Enginner, the submarine is at 100 feet and we got NO leaks!”

The Captain says, “Senor Engineer, theese is your Captain, take theese submarine down to 250 feet and scheck for leaks!”

The Engineer replies, “Senor Captain, theese is Senor Enginner, the submarine is at 250 feet and we got NO leaks!”

The Captain says, “Senor Engineer, theese is your Captain, take theese submarine down to 500 feet and scheck for leaks!”

Sadly, as the sub was diving to 500 feet, it suddenly broke up and was completely destroyed.

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Saturday Night Live Highlights Obama’s Accomplishments

It’s a sad statement of national affairs when the President of the United States traipses off to Copenhagen, Denmark to tout the city of Chicago as the potential host of the 2016 Olympic Games.

It’s an even more sad FACT that the President of the United States went to do this deed on behalf of the Chicago machine in one plane, while his wife went to Copenhagen to tout Chicago as well, on a different plane. A terrible waste of TAX PAYER dollars, in a failed effort.

To add even more sadness to this story, the Obama’s rolled out the BIG GUN for this trip, Oprah Winfrey. I am guessing the Dutch were as impressed with her as they were the Obama’s.

Now, I give you PROOF that Barack Hussein Obama has finally done what many have long known he was going to do, he has become the butt of the most truthful assessment of his presidency that could ever be done, he has been called a socialist loser, a do nothing, no accomplishments POTUS by the most left wing, libber platform on television.

Last night, Fred Armisen of Saturday Night Live, took Obama to the woodshed.

Armisen enumerates everything that Obama and Company have NOT done. He points out ALL of the EPIC FAILURE that IS the Obama administration. Armisen conveys more truth regarding the poser in the White House than ANY political blog has done to date!

Armisen is NOT the best Obama impersonator I have ever seen, the voice just doesn’t quite fit, but the intent, the delivery and the truth of the matter more than makes up for any imperfections in Armisen’s work.

I also know that many of you don’t watch Saturday Night Live because of their political take. I am not one of those people. I use many sources in an effort to post a good blog, SNL is one of those sources.

To be totally honest with you, I was shocked that SNL allowed this particular piece to air. They have lampooned Obama on the rare occasion, but this is, to the best of my knowledge, the first time they have truly blasted him for being the do nothing he is!

There is a brief commercial before the SNL skit actually opens, bear with it, you will NOT be disappointed!

You Might Be a Liberal If…

IQ tests should be used to stop the death penalty, but not to determine admission to AP classes.

The Ten Commandments in schools will hurt the children, but “Heather Has Two Mommies” won’t.

African-American, Queer and Women’s Studies prepare young people for good careers, but a biology major is an outdated relic of white, misogynist domination.

College students must protest the President (before Obama was elected), but never challenge anything the professor says.

Math tests are racist, but there is nothing racist about blacks being admitted over more qualified white applicants.

Spending 4 years – make that 5 years – repeating your professor’s liberal slogans is a solid education, but demanding that colleges present all view-points and actually teach the subject is “anti-intellectualism”.

McCarthyism was wrong, but black-listing “right-wingers” from ever teaching in college is just plain old common sense. A right-winger is anyone who doesn’t toe the line on all issues.

Education is about “feeling”, not knowing. Logic is the product of white male supremacy in our culture.

After spending 5 years in college, you still don’t know when the Civil War took place and you are absolutely certain it had nothing to do with freeing black slaves.

Meat is bad for you. So is milk. But marijuana gets you ready for your finals.

AIDS is caused by poverty. So is crime. And membership in the Republican party.

You march to raise awareness about breast cancer, but believe it’s caused by sexism and infant mortality is caused by racism.

You want to outlaw cigarettes and legalize marijuana.

Global Cooling for 10 years proves that there is global warming.

You fly on private jets, but feel free to tell others to use only one square of toilet paper to save the environment.

You think that using less toilet paper will be good for the air.

The best way to care about a disease is to wear a ribbon. You must also prevent pharmaceutical companies from making a profit.

People should be allowed to euthanize themselves, but not to eat in McDonald’s.

Career welfare recipients are fat because they can’t afford food.

You preach to everyone that diversity is our greatest strength, but you paid half a million dollars more for a house in an all-white suburb than you could’ve for the same house in a black neighborhood.

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