The truth about Rifles…

Real *Gun Folks* will *get it* and likely LOL all the way down the page.

AK47: It works, though you have never cleaned it. Ever.
AR15: You have $9/oz special non-detergent synthetic Teflon infused oil for cleaning.
Mosin: It was last cleaned in Berlin… 1945.

AK47: You are able to hit the broadside of a barn from inside.
AR15: You are able to hit the broadside of a barn from 600 meters.
Mosin: You can hit the farm from two counties over.

AK47: Cheap magazines are fun to buy.
AR15: Cheap magazines melt.
Mosin: ya mean clip?

AK47: Your safety can be heard from 300 meters away.
AR15: You can silently flip off the safety with your finger on the trigger.
Mosin: Safety?

AK47: Your rifle comes with a cheap nylon sling.
AR15: Your rifle has a 9-point stealth tactical suspension system.
Mosin: Your rifle has dog collars.

AK47: Your bayonet makes a good wire cutter.
AR15: Your bayonet is actually a pretty good steak knife.
Mosin: Your bayonet is longer than your leg.

AK47: You can put a 0.3” hole through 12” of oak—if you can hit it.
AR15: You can put all 30 rounds through a tiny hole in a paper target at 100 meters.
Mosin: You can knock down everyone else’s target with the shock wave of your bullet going downrange.

AK47: When out of ammo, your rifle will nominally pass as a club.
AR15: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a great wiffle bat.
Mosin: When out of ammo, your rifle makes a supreme war club, pike, boat oar, tent pole, or firewood.

AK47: Recoil is manageable, even fun.
AR15: What’s recoil?
Mosin: Recoil is often used to relocate shoulders thrown out by the previous shot.

AK47: Your sight adjustment goes to “10,” and you’ve never bothered moving it.
AR15: Your sight adjustment is incremented in fractions of minute of angle.
Mosin: Your sight adjustment goes all the way up to 12 miles… And you’ve actually tried it.

AK47: Your rifle can be used by any two-bit nation’s most illiterate conscripts to fight elite forces worldwide.
AR15: Your rifle is used by elite forces worldwide to fight two-bit nations’ most illiterate conscripts.
Mosin: Your rifle has fought against itself and won every time.

AK47: Your rifle won some revolutions.
AR15: Your rifle won the Cold War.
Mosin: Your rifle won a pole vault event.

AK47: You paid $350.
AR15: You paid $900.
Mosin: You paid $59.95.

AK47: You buy cheap ammo by the case.
AR15: You lovingly reload precision crafted rounds one by one.
Mosin: You dig your ammo out of a farmer’s field in Ukraine and it works just fine.

AK47: You can intimidate your foe with the bayonet mounted.
AR15: Your foes laugh when you mount your bayonet.
Mosin: You can bayonet your foe on the other side of the river without leaving the comfort of your hole.

AK47: Service life, 50 years.
AR15: Service life, 40 years.
Mosin: Service life, 100 years—and counting.

AK47: It’s easier to buy a new rifle when you want to change cartridge sizes.
AR15: You can change cartridge sizes with the push of a couple of pins and a new upper.
Mosin: You believe no real man would ever dare risk the ridicule by his friends by suggesting there is anything but the glorious 7.62x54R.

AK47: You can repair your rifle with a big hammer and a swift kick.
AR15: You can repair your rifle by taking it to a certified gunsmith and it’s under warranty!
Mosin: If your rifle breaks, you buy a new one.

AK47: You consider it a badge of honor when you get your handguards to burst into flames.
AR15: You consider it a badge of honor when you shoot a sub-MOA 5-shot group.
Mosin: You consider it a badge of honor when you cycle all 5 rounds without the aid of a 2×4.

AK47: After a long day the range, you relax by watching “Red Dawn”.
AR15: After a long day at the range, you relax by watching “Blackhawk Down”.
Mosin: After a long day at the range, you relax by visiting the chiropractor.

AK47: After cleaning your rifle, you have a strong urge for a stiff shot of Vodka.
AR15: After cleaning your rifle, you have a strong urge for hotdogs and apple pie.
Mosin: After cleaning your rifle, you have a strong urge for shishkabob.

AK47: You can accessorize you rifle with a new muzzle brake or a nice stock set.
AR15: Your rifle’s accessories are eight times more valuable than your rifle.
Mosin: Your rifle’s accessory is a small tin can with a funny lid, but it’s buried under an apartment building somewhere in Budapest.

AK47: Your rifle’s finish is varnish and paint.
AR15: Your rifle’s finish is Teflon and high tech polymers.
Mosin: Your rifle’s finish is low grade shellac, cosmoline and Olga’s toe nails.

AK47: Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Mikhail Kalashnikov.
AR15: Your wife tolerates your autographed framed picture of Eugene Stoner.
Mosin: You’re not even sure if there were cameras around to photograph Sergei Mosin.

AK47: Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to hold your rifle over your head and shout “Wolverines!”
AR15: Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to clear your house, slicing the pie from room to room.
Mosin: Late at night, you sometimes have to fight the urge to dig a fighting trench in the yard to sleep in.

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4 Responses to The truth about Rifles…

  1. cary says:

    That’s it. Ima stealing this one.

  2. I got it. Nice.

    In response, I submit:

    http://bloviatingzeppelin.net/archives/2053

    Rules of a Gunfight.

    BZ

    • Wayne says:

      I just read the list. “Very interesting”, as Artie Johnson used to say. I also introduced myself to your blog post for the first time. I put your post on my favorites list, right under Freds’. I share your opinion and pray that I never have to refer to it as a guide but like everything else that’s going on at once in this country, we have to be prepared for the worst. I hope that the right side of the voting public can win out over the rampant voter fraud that seems to be the trend nowadays. Great comment BZ.

  3. dekare says:

    I own all three of these, and this is spot on. The true shit is the funniest. And they are not kidding about your shoulder the Mosin Nagant. After a day at the range, you know you shot a man’s rifle.

Comments are closed.