A Conversation Recently Overheard in D.C.

A Conversation Recently Overheard in D.C.

The telephone rings in Harry Reid’s office:

Ring… Ring…

Reid: Hello, this is the Senate President Harry Reid speaking…

Boehner: Hey, Harry, old pal, this is John.

Reid: John, buddy…How ya doing?

Boehner: Not really too good, Harry. I got some conservative asshole representatives that don’t want to play ball with us… In fact, these sons-of-bitches even want to take my gavel away. (chokes back a sob and begins to tear up)… Damn it Harry, I like my gavel and my plush office and all the perks I get with being Speaker. Ya know I’ve been going along with you and whatever ya’ll want, so I need some help with this “situation”. (starts to weep) Pleeeeeeease help me, Harry.

Reid: OK, John, quit yer bawling. If we can fix a presidential election, handling a few redneck crackers for you isn’t gonna be a problem…

Boehner: I just knew ya would help, Harry…. (sniff, sniff) I don’t wanna go!!!

Reid: OK… First we got to do something to make the rube voters think that you really dislike me and everything the Democrats stand for…That’s gonna take off some heat back home for the crackers that are bothering you…

So this is what we will do. I’m gonna hold a press conference where I will call you a dictator…Shit…Dictator, my ass …Hitler and Stalin could have learned a lot from us (maniacal laughing)

That will start the ball rolling … then a couple days later, I will have a few of ‘our’ media boys just happen to be in the hallway … You come down the hall and I will say something and then you reply; “Go f**k yourself!!!”

That ought to get their attention, and I will make sure they get that on CNN and all the other networks.. That’s gonna make the dumb-shits think we are bitter enemies and hate each other’s guts… (more maniacal laughing)

Then to grease the skids a little more, we can ‘pork ‘em’ with a few more pet projects they can get in on and make a few points with the voters back home..

Boehner: Uuuhhhhh … Harry… Let’s don’t mention ‘pork’ em”.. Ya know after all that business with Weiner and all the jokes that got started like, “Weiner and Boehner were talking one day”… Well, I even had to change the way the press pronounced my name…ya know.. .It’s really “Bone-er”…then the dirty jokes about Weiner and “Bone-er” started up, got to remember to answer to “Bain-er” these days … Nobody cuts me any slack. (starts to cry again)

Reid: Now don’t take it too hard, John… Ooops… Sorry, I mean, don’t take it too badly, John… We will be careful about reminding the press about that. We got ‘em in our pocket anyway… They will say what we tell them to say or have their White House pass jerked … and ya know Barack likes his high living with fancy food and expensive wine… Just thinking about all the parties and banquets they will miss will take care of that.

Boehner: I like it, Harry!!!! We will bluster, pontificate, thump our chests and demigod for a few days just to make it look good. Then cave in as usual… Then after this mess has gone bye-bye we can get back to business as usual… Just think of all the new tax dollars we get to spend on ourselves and our buddies…

Harry, you are a real pal and will always be … Thank you … I know you can get those pukes off my back and I am going to be eternally grateful … and of course always know you’re gonna be the boss…

Oh! By the way, when is tee time with Barack?

You have to admit, this would be funny as hell if it weren’t so close to the truth…