The Gospel according to John Browning

The Gospel according to John Browning

1911 a thing of beauty1. In the beginning was the 1911, and the 1911 was THE pistol, and it was good. And behold the Lord said, “Thou shalt not muck with my disciple John’s design for it is good and it workith. For John made the 1911, and lo all of his weapons, from the designs which I, the Lord, gave him upon the mountain.”

2. “And shouldst thou muck with it, and hang all manner of foul implements upon it, and profane its internal parts, thou shalt surely have malfunctions, and in the midst of battle thou shalt surely come to harm.”

3. And as the ages passed men in their ignorance and arrogance didst forget the word of the Lord and began to profane the 1911. The tribe of the gamesman did place recoil spring guides and extended slide releases upon the 1911 and their metal smiths didst tighten the tolerances and alter parts to their liking, their clearness of mind being clouded by lust.

4. Their artisans did hang all manner of foul implements upon the 1911 and did so alter it that it became impractical to purchase. For lo, the artisans didst charge a great tax upon the purchasers of the 1911 so that the lowly field worker could not afford one. And the profaning of the internal parts didst render it unworkable when the dust of the land fell upon it.

5. And lo, they didst install adjustable sights, which are an abomination unto the Lord. For they doth break and lose their zero when thou dost need true aim. And those who have done so will be slain in great numbers by their enemies in the great battle.

6. And it came to pass that the Lord didst see the abomination wrought by man and didst cause, as he had warned, fearful malfunctions to come upon the abominations and upon the artisans who thought they could do no wrong.

7. Seeing the malfunctions and the confusion of men, the lord of the underworld did see an opportunity to further ensnare man and didst bring forth pistols made of plastic, whose form was such that they looked and felt like a brick, yet the eyes of man being clouded, they were consumed by the plastic pistol and did buy vast quantities of them.

8. And being a deceitful spirit the lord of the underworld did make these plastic pistols unamenable to the artisans of earth and they were unable to muck much with the design, and lo these pistols did appear to function.

9. And the evil one also brought forth pistols in which the trigger didst both cock and fire them and which require a “dingus” to make them appear safe.

10. But man being stupid did not understand these new pistols and didst proceed to shoot themselves with the plastic pistol and with the trigger cocking pistols for lo their manual of arms required great intelligence which man had long since forsaken. Yet man continue to gloat over these new pistols blaming evil forces for the negligent discharges which they themselves had committed.

11. And when man had been totally ensnared with the plastic pistol, the lord of the underworld didst cause a plague of the terrible Ka-Boom to descend upon man and the plastic pistols delivered their retribution upon men. And there was a great wailing and gnashing of teeth in the land.

12. Then seeing that the eyes of man were slowly being opened and that man was truly sorrowful for his sinful misdeeds, the Lord did send his messengers in the form of artisans who did hear and obey the teachings of the prophet and who didst restore the profaned 1911s to their proper configuration, and lo, to the amazement of men they didst begin to work as the prophet had intended.

13. And the men of the land didst drive out the charlatans and profaners from the land, and there was joy and peace in the land, except for the evil spirits which tried occasionally to prey on the men and women of the land and who were sent to the place of eternal damnation by the followers of John.

Never mess with perfection!

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10 Responses to The Gospel according to John Browning

  1. Bloviating Zeppelin says:

    Now THAT is one BEAUTIFUL photograph, sir!

    Gladdens my heart, it does!


  2. Bloviating Zeppelin says:

    If the department would allow, I’d carry the Glock 30. A frigging kurz double-stack with TEN rounds.

    Instead, I still hoist my Sig P220 with the Euro-release. It has kept me safe for, literally, decades.

    Because, frankly, I LIKE a big hole at the end.


    • TexasFred says:

      As we sit here typing back and forth my Springfield XD-45 Tactical is right beside me… Loaded with 14 rounds of Federal Tactical Law Enforcement rounds, 230gr +P and bonded…

      I love me some .45 goodness.. 🙂

      • The Right Handed Cowboy says:

        Gee Fred…funny you mention that XD- MINE is right next to me….less than an arm length away………

  3. Baron Garlic says:

    Wow, that brought back memories. That was the side arm I wore on “gangway watch” on the first ship I served on. Many years ago. Home port Newport,R.I. A couple of years later ( on another ship ) while in Sicily I bought a Bereta but sold it when I needed some money. Never got to fire it!
    Enjoyed reading the ” Gospel “.

  4. Working To Keep Freedom says:

    The first handgun I ever learned to shoot and I was just a young’un then. Carried one during my time in the Navy. Great memories, Fred. Merry Christmas and a new year for this beautiful country of ours! Happy New Year!!

  5. mrchuck says:

    Yes, I still have my “duty weapon”, 45 Auto. We carried them “cocked and locked” for ALL to see in our Class A Sam Brown uniform.
    I was not happy when it became vogue and command staff said to go to the 40 S&W.
    Today,,, I use my newer Sig Sauer P 220 compact. It is 45 auto, SAO, 6 + 1, manual safety, extended beavertail.
    Does NOT have a “de-cocker”.
    For us old gun handlers, it is easy and safe to lower the hammer the old fashioned way.
    I know first hand just what flesh damage the 45 auto will do.
    The projectile is slow and big, and was designed to knock down and keep down,, crazed Moro tribesman in the Philippines in the early 1900’s.
    When “cleaning out tunnels ” in the early 60’s, in a land far away,,, I preferred the revolver in 45 acp, barrel cut to 2″, using “moon clips”. Opposing hands couldn’t grab and twist it. My hearing is still poor today, my wife tells me.
    Our Texas Rangers on duty today, still prefer the 45 auto caliber. Nuff said.

  6. Bunkerville says:

    The gift that keeps on giving.

  7. BARR says:

    A Very Merry 6th Day of Christmas!!!!

    Yes, and the Gospels of Smith & Wesson, Remington, and Colt also….

    Some current news on the Saudis and 9/11

    House Reps Press to Release Report Linking Saudis to 9/11
    December 19th 2013
    ‘The Saudi gov’t without question was supporting the hijackers who lived in San Diego…,’ former former Sen. Graham who headed the inquiry.

    U.S. Appeals Court Allows Citizens to Sue Saudi Arabia for 9/11
    December 22nd, 2013
    In a landmark decision, a higher court overturned a 2002 ruling that banned lawsuits due to ‘sovereign immunity.’

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