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Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

March 13th, 2010 . by TexasFred

This was sent to me by a gentleman I went to high school with. We have known each other for years. He is a retired Louisiana State Trooper, he knows wherefore he speaks! Enjoy!

Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

1. Bullet Proof’ vests aren’t.

2. The bigger they are, the harder they are to make fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.

3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you’ve been a cop.

4. Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.

5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.

6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.

7. Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.

8. Flash suppressors don’t really.

9. If you have `cleared’ all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.

10. If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.

11. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapon (living room), to an area with many available weapons. (kitchen).

12. If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on `Eyewitness News’.

13. Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Vice cops, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.

14. When a civilian sees a blue/red light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.

15. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.

16. You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don’t need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.

17. Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.

18. From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can.

19. On any call, there will always be more `bad guys’ than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be.

20. The longer you’ve been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.

21. Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn’t do it.

22. You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is “Boomer.”

23. The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.

24. If a “large group” of drunk bikers are “holed-up” in a house, the Dispatcher will send one officer in a beat car. If there is “one” biker “holed-up” in a house, they will send the entire S.W.A.T. Team.

My favorite one is #18, and is the very reason WHY I don’t have Trijicons on the XD’s!! :?


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Joining the Sheriffs Department

December 17th, 2008 . by TexasFred

Joining the Sheriffs Department

A man seeking to join a south Texas Sheriff’s Department is being interviewed.

The Sergeant doing the interview says: “Your qualifications all look good, but there is an attitude suitability test that you must take before you can be accepted.”

Then, sliding a service pistol and a spare magazine across the desk, he says: “Take this pistol and go out and shoot six illegal aliens, six meth dealers, six Muslim extremists, and a rabbit.”

“A rabbit?” the applicant exclaims. “Why do I have to shoot a rabbit?”

“Great attitude,” says the Sergeant. “When can you start?”


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Man Doused With Gasoline Catches Fire, Dies at Hospital After Police Fire Taser Gun at Him

June 19th, 2007 . by TexasFred

SAN ANGELO, Texas  – A man who doused himself with gasoline then caught on fire after police fired a Taser stun gun at him died from his injuries Tuesday, a hospital spokeswoman said.

Juan Flores Lopez, 47, was hospitalized after the confrontation with officers in his yard Monday.

Police said they used pepper spray while trying to take Lopez into custody, but that he was never handcuffed. Lopez had a can of gas and a small lighter in his hand at one point, police Lt. Curtis Milbourn said. He tossed gas at officers, but no one was injured, police said.

The Texas Rangers were investigating whether a lighter found at the scene could have contributed to the fire and whether a Taser can ignite anything, Lt. Bob Bullock said.

“We don’t know what ignited the fire,” Milbourn said.

Two of Lopez’s sons who live nearby said their father had been threatening for months to burn himself and his house. His wife was seeking a divorce and he didn’t want to have to leave the house, the sons said. Lopez also had a history of mental illness, one of the sons said.

The police department began using Tasers, electronic stun guns designed to subdue violent suspects, in January 2004.

Full Story Here:
Man Doused With Gasoline Catches Fire, Dies at Hospital After Police Fire Taser Gun at Him

Mexican, Gas, Taser, Cops. Some assembly required.

Another Juan bites the dust…   


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