Actually heard on police videos…

These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

#16 “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.”

#15 “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”

#14 “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”

#13 “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.”

#12 “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”

#11 “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?”

#10 “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”

#9 “Warning! You want a warning? OK, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.”

#8 “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”

#7 “Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey poop.”

#6 “Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.”

#5 “In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.”

#4 “How big were those ‘Just two beers’ you say you had?”

#3 “No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”

#2 “I’m glad to hear that the Chief is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.”

#1 “You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t. Sign here.”

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7 Responses to Actually heard on police videos…

  1. Robert says:

    My Favorite is #14….. LMAO.

  2. Gunz says:

    LOL, I’m partial to #7 myself. These are great.

    Sounds like something a Marine DI would say.

  3. Butch says:

    Glad to see the lighter side of texasfred like some many of us do…

    #1 is great!

  4. Dallas Meow says:

    # 14 has been heard ’round THIS house a time or two . . .

  5. Bloviating Zeppelin says:

    I still really like #1.


  6. Lord Nazh© says:

    The last was my favorite! … going to repost this (with link) on my site, priceless quotes Fred

  7. Christopher Estep says:

    You know a lot of the “internet lists” are fake and I know we’ve seen many of them, but I can tell ou as someone who grew up with a cop, those ring true!

    I can see my Dad saying many of those! Hilarious!