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Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

March 13th, 2010 . by TexasFred

This was sent to me by a gentleman I went to high school with. We have known each other for years. He is a retired Louisiana State Trooper, he knows wherefore he speaks! Enjoy!

Murphy’s Laws for Law Enforcement

1. Bullet Proof’ vests aren’t.

2. The bigger they are, the harder they are to make fall. They also punch, kick and choke harder too.

3. The speed at which you respond to a fight call is inversely proportional to how long you’ve been a cop.

4. Tear gas works on cops too, and regardless of wind direction, will always blow back in your face.

5. High speed chases will always proceed from an area of light traffic to an area of extremely heavy traffic.

6. If you know someone who tortures animals and wets the bed, he is either a serial killer or he works for Internal Affairs.

7. Placing a gun back in a shoulder holster with your finger on the trigger will cause you to walk with a limp.

8. Flash suppressors don’t really.

9. If you have `cleared’ all the rooms and met no resistance, you and your entry team have probably kicked in the door of the wrong house.

10. If a cop swings a baton in a fight, he will hit other cops more often than he will hit the bad guys he swings at.

11. Domestic arguments will always migrate from an area of few available weapon (living room), to an area with many available weapons. (kitchen).

12. If you have just punched out a handcuffed prisoner for spitting at you, you are about to become a star on `Eyewitness News’.

13. Bullets work on veteran cops too. They also work on weight lifters, martial arts experts, department marksmen, Vice cops, S.W.A.T. jocks, and others who consider themselves immortal.

14. When a civilian sees a blue/red light approaching at a high rate of speed, he will always pull into the lane the cop needs to use.

15. If you drive your patrol car to the geometric center of the Gobi Desert, within five minutes some dumb civilian will pull along side you and ask for directions.

16. You can never drive slow enough to please the citizens who don’t need a cop, and you can never drive fast enough to please the ones who do.

17. Any suspect with a rifle is a better shot than any cop with a pistol.

18. From behind you, the bad guys can see your night sights as well as you can.

19. On any call, there will always be more `bad guys’ than there are good guys, and the farther away your back-up, the more there will be.

20. The longer you’ve been a cop, the shorter your flashlight and your temper gets.

21. Whatever you are about to do, if there is a good chance it will get you killed, you probably shouldn’t do it.

22. You should never do a shotgun search of a dark warehouse with a cop whose nickname is “Boomer.”

23. The better you do your job, the more likely you are to be shot, injured, complained on, sued, investigated, or subpoenaed on your day off.

24. If a “large group” of drunk bikers are “holed-up” in a house, the Dispatcher will send one officer in a beat car. If there is “one” biker “holed-up” in a house, they will send the entire S.W.A.T. Team.

My favorite one is #18, and is the very reason WHY I don’t have Trijicons on the XD’s!! :?


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The Husband Store

January 29th, 2010 . by TexasFred

Every so often I get an email joke that is just too good to keep to myself. This is one of those occasions and I have to share this with all of you! ~Fred~

The Husband Store

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, a store where a woman may go to choose a husband.

Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!

There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.

The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 – These men Have Jobs

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 – These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

‘That’s nice,’ she thinks, ‘but I want more.’

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

‘Wow,’ she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

‘Oh, mercy me!’ she exclaims, ‘I can hardly stand it!’

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 – These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the
sign reads:

Floor 6 – You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor.

There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store’s owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex, have money, and like beer.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited…

PhotobucketPhotobucketPhotobucket 

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Scientist: Alien life could already be on Earth

January 26th, 2010 . by TexasFred

Scientist: Alien life could already be on Earth

LONDON (AP) – For the past 50 years, scientists have scoured the skies for radio signals from beyond our planet, hoping for some sign of extraterrestrial life. But one physicist says there’s no reason alien life couldn’t already be lurking among us – or maybe even in us.

Paul Davies, an award-winning Arizona State University physicist known for his popular science writing said Tuesday that life may have developed on Earth not once but several times.

Davies said the variant life forms – most likely tiny microbes – could still be hanging around “right under our noses – or even in our noses.”

“How do we know all life on Earth descended from a single origin?” he told a conference at London’s prestigious Royal Society, which serves as Britain’s academy of sciences. “We’ve just scratched the surface of the microbial world.”

Full Story Here:
Scientist: Alien life could already be on Earth

I have long believed that they walk among us.

If you take THIS:

And add THIS:

You get THIS:

« Read the rest of this post HERE! »


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