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The Alabama Preacher

June 22nd, 2008 . by TexasFred

The Alabama preacher said to his congregation, ‘Someone in this congregation has spread a rumour that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate.

I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this.

Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian Family.’

No one moved.

The preacher continued, ‘Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression.’

Again all was quiet.

Then slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop traffic arose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke,

‘Reverend, there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets.’

The preacher fell to his knees, his wife fainted, and the Congregation roared!

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Happy June ‘teenth!

June 19th, 2008 . by TexasFred

Happy June ‘teenth!

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A Golf Joke…

June 12th, 2008 . by TexasFred

Well, here we go again, this is one of those things that just needs to be passed on, it’s from An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings and this is one of my blogging buddies that was my distinct pleasure to meet and have lunch with, thanks Kate!

A man goes to a public golf course. He approaches the man behind the counter in the pro shop and says, “I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie.”

The man behind the counter says, “The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this: We just received 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you’re willing to take one with you out on the course and come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today.”

The golfer obviously accepted the man’s offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said to himself, “I think my driver will do the job.”

The robot caddie turned to the man and said, “No sir. Use your 3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole.”

Hesitantly, the golfer pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. The golfer, delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance.

As the golfer pulled out his putter he said, “I think this green is gonna break left to right.”

The robot then again spoke up and said, “No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left”

Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, he decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice.

But his luck didn’t end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie.

Upon returning to the clubhouse, the man behind the counter asked, “How was your game?”

The golfer stated, “It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week.”

A week passed, and excited, the golfer returned to the pro shop. Upon entering, he turned to the man behind the counter and said, “I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please.”

The gentleman from behind the counter turned to the man and said, “Well the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints.”

Confused, the golfer cried, “COMPLAINTS? Who in the heck could’ve complained about those robots? They were incredible”

The man sighed and said, “Well, it wasn’t their performance. It was that they were made of shiny silver metal, and the sun reflecting off them was blinding to other golfers on the fair way.”

The golfer said, “So then why didn’t you just paint them black?”

The man nodded sadly and replied, “We did. Then four of ‘em didn’t show up for work, two filed for welfare, one of them robbed the pro shop, and the other is running for President.”

Proudly stolen from Ol’ Broad:
An Ol’ Broad’s Ramblings

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A Match Made in Heaven!

June 6th, 2008 . by TexasFred

They say a picture is worth 1,000 words, so here’s a couple of grand for ya!!

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McCain on ANWR

May 13th, 2008 . by TexasFred

This piece was posted here: McCain on ANWR by one of my blog readers and comment makers, a great guy that is also a member of The American Conservative Forums, great post BobF, and way too close to the real deal I am afraid…

Last week, Bill O’Reilly interviewed John McCain on the O’Reilly Factor. Bill O’Reilly really grilled McCain about his opposition to drilling for oil in the ANWR and McCain got visually upset with the questions.

Bill O’Reilly is a professional TV host and interviewer, so in order for the common people to understand what John McCain was really saying in his answers, we hired an every day American Citizen (AC) to explain what he really said.

O’REILLY: You voted against ANWR drilling. You voted against ANWR.

MCCAIN: Yes, and I’ll vote against drilling if they want to drill in the Grand Canyon, and I’ll vote against it if they want to drill in the Everglades. And I will try to make it more attractive for Florida and California and other states to have drilling off of their coasts, but I’m not going to force them to because…

(AC) Even though comparing ANWR to the Grand Canyon and the Everglades is lame, I don’t want any drilling in the United States.

O’REILLY: But no one lives in ANWR.

MCCAIN: No, it’s pristine beauty.

(AC) Yes, I know it’s a frozen wasteland but to me it’s pristine frozen wasteland and I want it to stay that way. I think it’s pretty and what I think is all that matters.

O’REILLY: So what? Who sees it?

MCCAIN: Well, all I do is believe that we have to preserve some of the great natural treasures of this earth

(AC) I don’t care, we’re not going to drill there!

O’REILLY: In the Arctic Circle?

MCCAIN: ‘no matter where they are, my friend. And I’

(AC) Listen jerk, didn’t you hear what I said? You’re pissing me off now by these questions. I don’t care where ANWR is located, I said no drilling!

O’REILLY: You know, a lot of people aren’t going to like that.

MCCAIN: I know a lot of people don’t like it, but I am also an environmentalist. And so was Teddy Roosevelt, my hero. And I believe that there are just some things that you have to

(AC) I don’t care what the American people say or want; they’re not me. I follow the teachings of the Gormonites and its high priest, Al Gore. Teddy Roosevelt loved the outdoors and I love my frozen waste land on top of the world because that’s where I”ll be when I win the White House, on top of the world looking down at you little people.

This commentary and analysis of (AC) was posted in an attempt at a bit of humor, and it’s funny, no doubt about that part, but there’s a really sad part too, that humorous little commentary is a lot closer to the truth than anyone in the McCain camp will ever admit…

When McCain gives you that “my friend” line, you know you just made the angry little man even more angry, I’m waiting patiently for the McCainiacs to arrive and blast me like the Bush Bots did, and tell me what a pitiful excuse I am and tell me I’m a bad American.  :mrgreen:

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Have you ever wondered what Santa does in the SUMMER??

May 11th, 2008 . by TexasFred

Have you ever wondered what Santa does in the SUMMER??


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Mohammed the Bear says: Bite Me!

December 3rd, 2007 . by TexasFred

Islam can bite my cute little furry ass!

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