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Why did the chicken cross the road?

January 16th, 2011 . by TexasFred

Why did the chicken cross the road?

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because gosh-darn it, he’s a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change! The chicken wanted change!

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure, right from Day One, that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves, to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not.The chicken is either for us, or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun? I’ll shoot him in the beak.

MITCH McCONNELL: We vote no on the chicken crossing the road.


COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can’t you people see the plain truth? That’s why they call it the ‘other side.’ Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like ‘the other side.’ That chicken should not be crossing the road. It’s as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2011, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2011. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: How did I miss one?

(Thank you Ron)

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11 Responses to “Why did the chicken cross the road?”

  1. comment number 1 by:

    And as any illegal Migrant will tell you….

    To get more chickens!

  2. comment number 2 by: Katie

    The real reason the chicken crossed the road was to get to the gun shop. They were having a sale on ammo, and she was out.

  3. comment number 3 by: TexasFred

    For all you fine folks NOT from Texas, the chicken crossed the road to prove to the armadillo that it *can* be done!

  4. comment number 4 by: WhoBeen

    I was just about to go to bed…then I did one last check on my emails…Thanks for clarifying this question that had a long sought after answer, now I can sleep restfully without twisting and turning all night long about that damn chicken crossing the road…
    Who was it that said, “Good answer!” ?
    Well now it can be said again, “Good answer Fred!”


  5. comment number 5 by: mrchuck

    Easy answer. It was a Road Island Red chicken.
    Road kill around here is armadillos, raccoons, and possums.

  6. comment number 6 by: WhoBeen

    Now why did you have to mention the Rhody Red…boy! does that bring back memories…I first saw this monument for the Rhody back in 1948…but you can see it without having to cross the road


  7. comment number 7 by: paulshoe

    The real question is “Why did the Republican Congressman cross the road?”

  8. comment number 8 by: TexasFred

    OK Paul, why?

  9. comment number 9 by: Bloviating Zeppelin

    In Fornicalia, the chicken crosses the road to receive his Free State Seed, then complains bitterly about its taste, manner of serving, the line he had to stand in, and to demand more.


  10. comment number 10 by: paulshoe

    The Republican Congressman crossed the road because he became the chicken when it was time to vote the principles he claimed during his campaign.

  11. comment number 11 by: TexasFred

    Ya might be on to something there Paul… Watch the SOTU and see how many of those critters mingle and mix like long lost friends…

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